Make you feel my love
by writingowl
Summary: What happens after Nadia's trial when Benson invites Voight over? Could something either than colleagues happen between them?
1. Chapter 1

**When the rain is blowing in your face,**

 **And the whole world is on your case,**

 **I could offer you a warm embrace**

 **To make you feel my love. (Make you feel my love – Adele)**

* * *

"Maybe you should come over for a nightcap."

"Afraid of what I might do alone, Benson?" He shoved her gently as they walked out the bar.

The rest of their teams had left already and it was nearly midnight when they walked out. She wasn't afraid of what Voight might do if he was alone but she didn't want him to be on his own that night. Nadia's trial had been a tough one and although Yates had been convicted, she knew Hank was not okay. Olivia knew exactly what it felt like to go back to an empty room with such darkness in your heart; she didn't want that for him….not when she could help.

"I just don't think you should be alone tonight. You've had a couple of rough days."

"I'm a tough guy, I can handle it."

"For God's Sake, Hank. I won't think any less of you for letting your guard down for a minute."

"I have a reputation to maintain." He laughed before turning around to look at her. "You want to ruin that."

"Get over yourself, Voight. You are not that tough."

"Ouch," Hank pressed his hands against his chest, "that hurt."

"Then maybe you should let me make it up to you."

"I'll come over for a nightcap. But that's it, Benson, you can't get my body."

"Already had enough of it in Chicago." She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "you couldn't handle it."

"I think I've already shown you I can."

Voight watched Olivia as she said goodnight to Lucy and couldn't help it but smile. He was grateful for her and everything she had done to help them catch Yates. Yes, she had wanted to catch him for her victims but also for the Intelligence team; she had been great to all of them. But deep down he knew she was doing it for him. They had stayed in touch after their night in Chicago and he hadn't felt such a strong connection with a woman since his wife's death. None of them had said a thing about that night until that day. They didn't want their teams to find out. He thought it was because she saw it as a one-night thing. She thought he saw it as a one-night stand. Little did they know neither of them could stop thinking about it.

"You've got a nice place here." He said as he took the whiskey glass from her.

"It's all Noah and I need." Without realizing it, Olivia's eyes lightened up as she mentioned her son.

"You bright up whenever you mention him."

"He's the light of my life."

"Good, you need to have that."

"What's the light in your life, Hank?" She asked as they both sat down on the couch and she wrapped her arms around her legs.

"My son, my grandson, Erin."

"You are a family man."

"I don't know about that," Voight took a sip of his drink. "I guess the light in my life comes from the people I love."

"See? You're not that tough."

"Tough guys can also love, Benson."

Olivia took a sip of whiskey and looked at him over her glass. When she had first met Voight, she thought he was a rough cop from Chicago who got along with the wrong people. But her opinion of him had changed. She knew he loved his team and would do anything to protect them. Benson had seen the look in his eyes when he found out one of his own had been killed. He may be tough and he may use violence to get answers but he had a big heart.

"But let's not talk about me. Tell me about Noah."

"Where should I even begin? He's a precious little boy who makes everything better. His health was a little weak but he's doing much better now. I sure got scared."

"You are a wonderful mother, Olivia."

"I do my best."

"Your best is damn good."

"Well, thank you, Sargent."

"You are very welcome." He smirked slightly.

Olivia laughed and rubbed his arm gently. "How are you feeling?"

"I would like to say I'm okay but I have a feeling you would know I'm lying."

"True."

"I'm angry. Angry he ever got to Nadia. Angry we didn't get to him on time. Angry she's dead. But I'm also scared of what this may do to Erin. What if I can't help her feel better?"

"You will do the best you can, Hank. You've been by her side since she was a girl and you'll continue to do so."

"What if that isn't enough?"

"Your love is stronger than you know. And if she loses her way, you'll be there to help her find it again."

Hank smiled at her, "do you always have the right words to say?"

"Sometimes." She moved closer to him. "Sometimes words aren't necessary at all."

"Like that night?"

"Like that night."

That night they had stayed at Molly's until closing time, drinking and talking. Somehow, without wanting to, without thinking about it, she had told him about Lewis. She told him everything William Lewis had done, things she hadn't even told Barba before trial. He had listened to her until she was done and instead of pitying her, like everyone else, he took her for a walk. Voight knew there was nothing he could ever say to make her feel better but he understood Olivia needed someone to listen to her without judging, without pity; and he had done exactly that.

"You were great that night."

"I always am."

"Hank!" She smacked his arm playfully. "I meant listening to me. Letting me share my burden."

"I clearly don't know what that horrible moment felt like but if listening to you helps you feel at least a bit better, then I will always do it."

"Thank you." Olivia kissed his cheek. "And yes, you were also great at that."

"Oh, I know. You kept moaning my name over and over again."

She blushed. "Shut up."

"I'm just saying." Voight moved the hair from her face. "You were great too."

"Oh, I know." She said mocking him.

"Didn't know you could lift your leg so high."

"Voight, stop talking."

"I was amused."

"Why? I am not an old woman."

"I'm not saying that. Just saying I was really surprised you could lift your leg so high while against the wall."

They hadn't been able to wait until they reached his bedroom. The minute they had walked into his house their clothes came off and they were having sex against the kitchen wall. It had been a long time for both of them so waiting wasn't an option. Oliva had forgotten her insecurities, her fears; she wanted to feel him on her, in her. She liked Hank Voight and knew things would be different with him. He wasn't one to play games, he was straightforward and would always get what he wanted.

"Which I get because you couldn't wait to have me."

"I love how you flatter yourself, Voight."

"Am I lying?"

"You will never know." She stood up and started walking towards her room. "Are you just going to sit there? Or would you like to forget this horrible day?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Hank stood up and wrapped his arms around her hips as they walked to her room.

He pressed his lips against hers as they fell on the bed. Her hands worked his belt off as he slowly kissed her neck. "We'll have to be quiet. Noah is sleeping," she whispered in his ear. Voight nodded and pinned her hands above her head to take her shirt off. He kissed the top of her breasts as he slowly pulled her bra off using his tongue to caress her nipples. Olivia arched her body pressing her hips against his.

He stopped to take his shirt off and she bit his lower lip before smirking. Hank pushed her back against the mattress and worked her pants down before taking his off. He didn't want to wait anymore; he wanted to feel her naked skin against his. Their underwear came off and he wrapped her legs against his waist as he thrusted against her entering her body. Olivia let out a soft moan before he pressed his fingers to her lips, "don't wake the kid up." She bit his finger not to scream as he went deeper pushing his hips against her. He knew what she liked so with his free hand he rubbed her wet clit.

"Fuck, Hank."

"I think that's what I'm doing here."

Voight kissed her lips hard as he thrusted his body and her moans were buried in his mouth. Their bodies became one as he went faster and deeper in her. Olivia's body started shaking and she knew she wouldn't last long, one more touch and he would drive her over the edge. He pulled out before pushing back in as deep as he could and she bit his lip to stop the moan from leaving her mouth as she came.

Panting he rested his body on hers and pressed his forehead on hers. "Damn you, Benson."

"My god." She kissed him as they both smirked. "I can't feel my body. I won't be able to move in the morning."

"Now, you are just saying that to enlarge my ego."

"Apparently it's not the only thing I can enlarge."

"Well, well, well. Look at you talking naughty."

"Talking isn't the only thing I can be naughty at." Olivia couldn't say anything else because Noah had waken up and was crying. "You got saved by my son."

"Maybe I didn't want to be saved."

Olivia threw his shirt on and walked out of the bedroom to get Noah. As he watched her, he knew he was in deep shit. He was falling for a woman who lived miles away and he had slept with twice. Olivia wasn't a one-time thing, she was worth keeping and he wanted to keep her. A smile appeared on his face as she walked back in with Noah in her arms holding onto the shirt she was wearing.

"I hope you don't mind me bringing him over."

"Not at all. Happy to meet the little one."

She sat on the bed next to him. "Noah, this is mommy's friend. He isn't that good looking but he's okay."

"I am sure the kid knows better." Voight laughed and pretended to shake Noah's hand stealing a sleepy smile from him. "Hello, sir."

"Look at that, you made him smile."

"Maybe he knows his mom likes me."

"Maybe she does."

"You are introducing me to your son so that must mean you like me."

"Or that he is too young to remember you and he won't be affected if you walk away."

"Benson, are you trying to get rid of me already?"

"No, but all men walk out of my life sooner or later."

"I am not all men. I thought we had clarified that last time."

"I have a kid. I live miles away. Sooner or later you'll get tired of me."

"I like your kid better than you so I think I'll stick around." He caressed Noah's cheek. "Plus, I'm already addicted to your body; can't stop now."

"Such a charmer."

"Cut me some slack, Benson."

Olivia kissed his cheek softly. "It's been a long time since someone cared about me."

"That's changing now. I kinda want to be around for you. And for Noah too…he needs someone who isn't too soft."

Benson let out a genuine laugh before letting herself fall back on the pillow with Noah on her chest. She watched him start falling asleep again and moved closer to Voight. She knew he wasn't lying and he truly cared about her. That moment felt perfect. Her son was in her arms and the man she was starting to fall for was by her side. Had she been told about the happiness she would be feeling a few months back, she wouldn't have believed it. Her phone ringing took her away from her thoughts, she had a new text. Putting her glasses on, she read it.

"Oh man."

"What is it?"

"Carisi just sent me a text. I have to head back to the precinct."

"Go. I'll stay with the kid."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Just make sure you keep those glasses on when you come back." He smirked.

"Oh, I will." She kissed his lips as she laid Noah on his chest and got out of bed.

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Reviews are always appreciated either here or on twitter ( joshuasbuttsq)


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sure your mom will get back soon, kid." Olivia heard Hank saying as she walked into the apartment. She could see him holding Noah with one arm as he made pancakes and she knew that was an image she would cherish forever. It felt so natural to get home and see her boys together, as though they had been together for years. She wanted that for her life. She wanted Voight in her life. She wanted Voight in Noah's life.

"I smell pancakes."

"Mama!" Noah squeaked as he reached out for her.

"Yes, mommy is home." She picked him up and kissed Voight's cheek. "I'm sorry I stayed out all night."

"Don't worry. The kid and I slept through it. He woke up an hour ago asking for you but I think he was cool with me."

"He slept all night?" Noah hid his face against her neck and giggled as if he knew they were talking about him.

"Yes, stayed on my chest just like you left him."

"That is a miracle! He never sleeps through the night."

"I guess my chest is comfortable. Wouldn't you know." He winked as he took the breakfast plates to the table. "Come have breakfast; you need it after being out all night."

"Well, technically, I wasn't out all night. I left home at 3am."

"And it's now 10am; seven hour is nearly all night even if half of it was in the morning."

"There's no beating you, is there?"

"Never. Now eat."

She sat Noah on his chair and then took her place on Hank's lap. Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and watched her son tear his pancakes apart with his little hands. She felt Voight's hand gently rubbing her back and a happy sigh escaped her lips. Why couldn't her life be like that all the time? Why did he have to live so far away? She knew she would miss him once he headed back to Chicago and didn't know when she would see him again. And after that morning, nothing would ever be the same.

"Do you have to head back to work soon?"

"I told Fin to call me if he needed so I think I can stay home most of the day."

"Good. I'm off to Chicago tonight so I wanted to enjoy your company now."

"I can't believe you're leaving already." She whispered, "we are going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss both of you too. But I have to head back and help Erin with the arrangements for Nadia's funeral." He took a bite of pancakes. "Believe me, I'd much rather stay here with Noah and you. I am not looking forward to the next couple of days."

"They'll be rough but you'll get through them."

"I have to be strong for Erin. I have to take care of her."

"And who's going to take care of you, Hank?" She looked into his eyes.

He caressed her cheek. "Don't worry about me, okay?"

"Too late for that." She felt his lips on hers as she finished talking.

"Mama!"

Olivia laughed against his lips. "I think he's not too happy to share me."

"He will have to get used to it because I really like his mother."

"His mother really likes you too." Olivia leaned over and kissed Noah's nose. "Mommy loves you."

Voight watched her interact with Noah and knew nothing could ever make her happier. He saw a woman who had been to hell and back but still had the brightest smile and the biggest heart. Going back to Chicago after spending time with Olivia and Noah was going to be really tough; but at least he had two reasons to come back. Being part of Noah's life was something he wanted just as much as he wanted to be in her life. She was a package, she came with her son, and he was ready to make them both part of his life.

"Are you sure he slept all night? He's starting to fall asleep again." Olivia said as she picked Noah up.

"He did. Maybe breakfast made him sleepy."

"I'm gonna put him down for a nap."

"Do you mind if I take a shower while you do so?"

"Not at all; go ahead."

She left Noah sleeping in his room and walked to her bathroom. Just knowing he was taking a shower turned her on. She leaned against the bathroom door and watched the water hit his body. He had scars too. She could only see his back and the big scar that ran along his skin between his shoulders. Voight said he had gotten that one while working undercover; his body was full of stories.

"Mind if I join you?" Olivia whispered in his ear as she wrapped her arms around him.

"You don't even have to ask." He turned around to look at her. "Actually," he pinned her back against the wall, "I'm mad at you."

"What did I do now, Sergeant?"

"You didn't come back wearing your glasses like I asked you to."

"So what? Are you going to punish me?" She asked as she bit down on her lower lip.

"Yes, a punishment would be appropriate."

Voight picked her up wrapping her legs around his waist and entering her body as deep as he could. She arched her body back resting her head against the shower wall for equilibrium. Slowly, teasing her, he used his tongue on her nipples hardening them with every touch. His named escaped her lips multiple times between moans. He placed one hand on the small of her back while he squeezed her ass with the other pushing her body closer to him. With each thrust of his hips, he went deeper in her hitting her core every time.

She could feel him inside of her but that wasn't enough, not when she was used to him using his fingers on her. Olivia reached her hand down and started caressing her clit as she continued to moan his name. "Trying to do my job?" He whispered in her ear before putting her down and turning her around with her back against his chest. He thrusted his hips hard against her entering her body one more time. Voight wrapped one arm around her body to keep a steady pace and with his free hand continued to rub her clit…just like she wanted. He placed soft kisses along her back before pulling out and pushing back in driving her over the edge.

"Hank!" She yelled as her body shook in pleasure and she pressed her hands against the wall so she wouldn't fall.

He turned her around and pressed his lips against hers. "Good morning, Benson."

"Good morning indeed!"

"Your body just gets better every time."

"You'll end up breaking it one of these days." Olivia laughed as she stood under the water. "I'm really going to miss you."

"You are just saying that," Hank got out and wrapped a towel around his waist, "because I just fucked you."

"Yes but I also mean it. It'll be weird not to have you around. Even Noah will miss you."

"I'll miss you guys too. But, Olivia, we both knew what we were getting ourselves into when we started."

"I know, I know." They both sat naked on the bed. "I just never thought I would end up feeling this way."

"And what way is that, Benson?"

"I never thought I'd end up loving this jerk from Chicago."

"And this Chicago jerk never thought he would end up loving you."

Olivia pressed her lips against his as they fell back on the bed. They weren't old but neither of them had the energy for round two at the moment so he held her in his arms. He ran his fingers up and down her arms and kissed the top of her head. It was true, he really did love her. Benson had walked into his life and turned it upside down. He had no regrets when it came to her because things had happened as they were supposed to. And yes, distance was going to suck but she was worth it.

"Fourth of July is coming up. Maybe Noah and I can come over and visit you for the weekend."

"I would like that very much."

"Okay, we'll do it." She kissed his chest. "Are you sure you are up for this, Hank?"

"Benson if you ask me again I will take sex away from you."

"I just want to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into."

"I told you I loved you, what else could I do to convince you?"

"Say it again." Olivia giggled.

"Olivia Benson, I am in love with you."

"Okay, I believe you."

"You are worse than your kid."

"He isn't that easy either."

"Oh he likes me already."

"What makes you so sure?"

"He told me so."

Olivia broke into a loud laugh. "All he says is mama. I doubt he said he likes you."

"You just wait and see."

Olivia rested her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. She knew she could never let go of him, she loved him too much. So many had hurt her before. So many had broken her heart. So many had walked out of her life. But not Hank Voight. He wasn't like any of the men she had been with before. He always put her first and her feelings were as important as his. This had gotten her wondering. What if this was the first time she actually loved someone? Or even worse, what if this was the first time someone actually loved her? She was afraid to find out the truth. But there was something in her heart telling her this was the first time someone loved her the way she deserved to.

"You be good to your mom, okay kid?" Hank kissed Noah's cheek and put him back in Olivia's arms. "She needs a tough guy to keep her safe."

"Mama!"

Voight laughed. "Absolutely! Keep your mama safe."

"I am sure he will do his best." Olivia kissed Noah's cheek as they stood by the security at the airport. "You'll call when you land, right?"

"Benson you've asked a million times. Yes, I will call you as soon as I land. And we'll Skype when I get home."

"Okay. One more thing."

"Yes?"

"Promise me you will take care of yourself."

"Olivia…"

"Don't Olivia me, Hank. I am serious. Promise me you will take care of yourself. I know you'll be busy looking after Erin but don't neglect yourself. Promise me."

"I promise." He kissed her. "I promise I'll be good."

"Thank you." She whispered as the tears filled her eyes.

"Hey now. Don't breakdown on me, Benson."

"I won't." Olivia shook her head. "You better be on your way before you lose your flight."

"So easy to get rid of me."

"Shut up. This is the hardest thing to do."

Voight knew she meant it. She had been crying the entire drive to the airport. Sure, she had tried to hide it but he knew her better than that. None of them could understand why saying goodbye was so hard when they knew they would see each other again soon. But the last two days had changed everything. He had entered her private world. That small world which she shared with her son. She had thrown her walls down for him and now she couldn't imagine life without Hank Voight.

"I will see both of you on the fourth of July." He kissed Noah's cheek. "You be good to mommy. And you," he kissed Olivia's lips, "behave while I'm gone."

"Have a safe flight, Voight. I love you."

"I love you too, Benson."

"Voight!" Noah said for the first time as he waved his little hands while Hank walked away.

Voight smiled, "I told you so."

And like that, he was gone. "Let's go home, little one." Olivia whispered to Noah as they walked away. He kept saying "Voight" over and over again as if he knew how much his mom needed to hear that name.


	3. Chapter 3

"Voight!" Noah squealed as he saw Hank standing on the other side of the gate. "Voight!"

"At least one of you is excited to see me." He picked the little boy up and shoved Olivia lightly. "What's with the face, Benson?"

"He cried throughout the entire flight. It's a miracle no one killed us."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating."

"Oh really? Okay then. You fly back to New York with him and tell me how it goes."

Hank laughed as he placed Noah on the car seat he had bought. "This is a whole new side of you. The moody side of Olivia Benson."

"Bite me, Voight."

"That's what I'm planning on doing." He leaned over on his seat and kissed her gently. "Welcome back."

"Kisses will not make up for that horrible flight but you can keep trying."

"I've got more than kisses in me."

It had been a horrible flight and for a moment it made her doubt her parenting skills. Noah had cried from take-off to landing and nothing she did calmed him down. The doctor had told her his ears could bother him and, because of his history, he may have trouble breathing. That had scared the hell out of her and she even considered canceling the trip but as she held Hank's hand she felt happy to be there. They were apart for a month and a half but it had felt longer than that. She missed him every day and the thought of only seeing him for a weekend made her stomach turn. Distance was slowly starting to annoy her.

"There's a crib in the extra room. I'm pretty sure it's big enough for Noah. You can sleep with me…if that's okay with you, Lieutenant."

"How does it feel to be outranked by me?" She smirked playfully.

"Titles don't mean anything in this house."

"They would if yours was better than mine."

He took a step closer, his lips nearly touching hers, "I don't need a special title to be in control."

"Who are you trying to impress, Hank? We both know you'd do anything I say."

"And yet you go weak any time I touch you."

"A Lieutenant can have her weaknesses."

"Good to know I'm yours."

"You are completely mine, Hank Voight."

Noah screamed from the floor where he was playing with his toys and brought them back to reality. Had he not been there, Hank would already have Olivia up against the wall; but he had to control himself…at least until naptime. He was happy to have both of them for the weekend and excited to show them around. The team was having a barbecue on the fourth of July and he wanted to take Olivia and Noah with him. Yes, they had established to keep their relationship a secret but who was he kidding? He didn't want Olivia to be a secret. He wanted to be open about their relationship because he was proud to have such an amazing woman by his side.

"I want to run something by you." Hank said as he sat next to her and handed her a beer.

She nodded. "Tell me."

"The team is having a barbecue on Sunday and I was thinking maybe we could go."

"And what will you say? This is my girlfriend Olivia?"

"Well, everyone knows you so I wouldn't have to introduce you."

"I'm serious, Hank."

"So am I. They all know you, Olivia. And, come on, they aren't stupid. They know something's going on between us."

"Yes, but we don't have to confirm it."

"Okay, Benson." He started to get up from the couch but she pulled his hand and sat him back down.

"Don't be like this. I just got here." Olivia caressed his cheek. "I'm not ready for everyone to know. I love you, I do, but I still need a little more time to process the fact that this is real."

"That I won't walk out?" He pushed her hand away. "I am getting a little tired of you comparing me to all the men in your life. I'm not Cassidy. I'm not Haden. I'm not Stabler. I'm not any of those assholes who hurt you."

"It's not about them."

"Then what is it about, Olivia?" He stood up and walked around the room. "I've told you I love you and your kid. I've promised I'm not walking away. I opened my heart to you. I don't understand."

"I'm not used to this, okay?" She stood up and took his hands in hers. "I'm not used to people truly loving me. Truly putting my feelings first. I guess I've spent my entire life running after men who didn't appreciate me, who used my love as a game. And then you showed up and changed everything. You care about me and that scares the hell out of me."

"They were all idiots who didn't see what they had in front. You are a wonderful woman, Olivia. I hope one day you'll see yourself the way I see you." He kissed her lips softly. "Until then, I'll keep doing my best to show you my love."

"I love you, Hank Voight."

Olivia knew she needed to stop comparing Voight to her past but it was difficult. Hank Voight wasn't the kind of man she would have fallen for yet there she was standing in front of him wishing they could love each other forever. But forever didn't exist in Olivia Benson's life. People walked in and out of her life without worrying about her and part of her believed Hank would do the same thing. This time she had Noah to worry about and Voight walking out on her meant walking out on the little boy too.

"Can we leave the past behind for a while and enjoy that you and the kid made it to Chicago safely?"

"We barely made it. I think the woman next to us wanted to throw Noah out the window had she been able to."

"I don't believe that. I mean, look at him." Voight pointed at Noah on the floor with his toys. "I don't believe that kid cries."

"You will find out tonight."

"Already had a night with him. He didn't cry."

"I still think you're lying about it."

"I'm actually a really good father."

Benson knew he was a great father. He had done an amazing job with Erin. He took her in when she had needed him the most and she had been his girl ever since. He protected her from everything; picked her up after Nadia's death and brought her back on the right path. And even with Justin. Yes, he had messed up but he was Voight's mess and at the end of the day he should be proud. His son grew up to become an amazing young man with a wonderful family. "Maybe now," Olivia thought, "he could be a great father to Noah."

"I missed you," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his back. "I hate the distance." She planted small kisses on the back of his neck.

"I missed you too, Olivia. And you know I hate it too but I suppose we'll get used to it."

"So you are saying you could get used to not ever seeing my naked body again?" She nibbled his earlobe. "Or never taking another shower with me?"

"You're playing with fire, Benson."

"I'm trying to get burned."

Voight turned around and pressed his forehead against hers. "Your kid is still awake." He kissed her softly. "You will have to wait until naptime."

"True." She walked away swaying her hips. "We will have to wait."

Voight sat on the floor playing with Noah as he watched Olivia sitting on the couch. He loved every little thing about her, both inside out. He loved the way she took care of those she loved. And the way she protected her own. He loved the wrinkles on her forehead when she laughed. The same ones that showed up when she was worried. And he loved the way her pants hugged her ass when she ran after suspects. And the way her blazer fitted her body. But above all, he loved Olivia Benson's heart.

"And he's down for at least an hour." Olivia said as she fell back on the couch. "All that plane crying exhausted him."

"He was trying so hard to stay awake." He crawled to her and pulled her down to the floor. "Do you need a nap, Benson?"

"I have better things in mind, Sergeant."

"I'm all ears, Lieutenant."

"I like that thing you do with your fingers." Olivia smirked slightly.

"Oh, I know you do."

"That would be much better than any sort of nap."

"Yes, I know you would enjoy it." He unzipped her jeans and slowly slid his hand in, caressing her through her underwear. "You would."

"Mhm." She closed her eyes and there was nothing else she could say. It had been over a month since she had last felt Hank Voight's touch.

He moved his hand away but Olivia's protest pulled him back in. Slowly, he slid his hand into her underwear and started rubbing her clit. It didn't take long for her to get wet. "That was fast," he whispered as he kissed her stomach.

"What were you expecting? It's been over a month."

"You expect me to believe," he pressed his thumb against her wet clit, "you didn't touch yourself while we were away?"

"No." She bit her lip before she could moan. "Except that one time."

Voight looked up at her with a smirk on his lips. "Benson."

"You knew that already." A moan escaped her lips. "That night over Skype."

"You will have to refresh my memory." He gently slid two fingers in and out as he continued to rub her clit.

"Don't you remember how you were saying all those dirty things to me? Or the way I stripped down on camera for you?" Another moan escaped her lips, louder this time.

"Sorry, still can't remember." Hank started pulling her pants down. "You'll have to be a little more specific."

"My legs wide open in bed." She could feel his tongue on her clit. "My fingers on my clit replacing yours. My lips whispering your name as you said you wished you were touching me."

He put his head up, "I think I'm starting to remember now." Voight used his tongue on her clit, gently making circles. Olivia arched her body pushing her hips against his face making his tongue go deeper. A happy sigh left her lips before she moaned his name. She had missed his touch. The way he could drive her over the edge. How he used his tongue on the right spot knowing what would make her moan or what would make her whisper his name. How he knew exactly when and where to touch her. His body knew hers better than she knew it herself.

"Henry!" She screamed as her body shook in pleasure and she lost control of it. Olivia only called him Henry for two reasons. Reason one, he was about to kill a suspect in the cage. Reason two, he had rocked her world. Reason two was the obvious answer in that moment. A month and a half away and the simple touch of his tongue could make her come. She knew the next couple of days would drive her crazy and she was ready to moan his name repeatedly.

"We've barely just begun, Lieutenant." He kissed her neck. "Tired already?"

"Sergeant, you have no idea what I'm capable of."

"Last time I checked, we had sex eight times already. I think I know what you are capable of."

"You've been keeping track of the amount of times we've slept together?"

"It's been over a month! A guy needs his memory to keep going until the next time."

"Should we start on number nine?"

Olivia unbuckled his belt as she got on top of him. Hank may like to believe he was in charge but he knew better. A little soft talk here, a few kisses there and he was kissing the ground she walked on. It had been a long time since he felt that way about a woman. He had loved his wife profoundly but Olivia was a new and different kind of love. Not better, not worse, different.

"This better be good!" He growled as he answered his phone, Olivia still on top of him. "What?!" She could hear Erin's voice on the other side of the phone. "I'll be there in ten." He sighed, "the team needs me."

"You better hurry back or I'm starting without you."

"You better not." He smacked her ass before getting up. "Naked. In my bed. With those sexy glasses of yours."


	4. Chapter 4

"What is it with you and glasses, Voight?" She smirked from the bed as he walked into the bedroom taking his clothes off.

"There's something about you in glasses that drives me completely crazy, Benson."

"If you break them, you're paying for the new pair."

"You just keep them on. Let me do the rest."

"I'm in your hands, Sergeant."

Hank got on top of her, kissing her neck as his hands roamed along her body. "You are beautiful", he whispered in her ear before gently entering her body making her moan. Thrusting his hips against her body going deeper each time stealing his own name from her lips. Olivia wrapped her legs around his waist pushing his ass with her feet moving his body closer to hers. He groaned in her ear before nibbling her earlobe making her body arch beneath his.

If there was something Hank Voight loved, it was Olivia's moan. It proved he was doing things properly, but not only that. It meant she was enjoying herself and the pleasure of their bodies together. It was really important for him to make sure the sex was good for her and that her desire should be fulfilled. When he had slept with other women –after his wife's death– it hadn't meant anything. It was just sex, no feelings, no love; he had only been scratching an itch. But Benson was different because he loved her and wanted her to enjoy as much –or even more– as him. He wanted her to feel his love.

"Fingers, Hank. Your fingers." She sighed between moans.

"You are addicted to them."

"Just use them!"

"Your wishes are my command."

He slid his hand reaching down and caressed her clit slowly with his fingers. A soft moan escaped Olivia's lips; no man had ever made her feel the way he did. He kissed her lips passionately as he thrusted his hips faster, his fingers still rubbing her clit the way he knew she liked. "I love you," she said against his lips as she felt closer to the edge. Voight smirked as he went deeper and a scream left her lips as they both came.

"I'm wearing the glasses every time we have sex now." Olivia said as she put her glasses on the nightstand and rested her head on his chest. "They give you more energy."

"I told you they drove me completely crazy."

"Oh, I love it."

"And I love you, Olivia."

"That," she pressed her lips against his, "makes me so happy."

"Maybe one day you will realize all I want is to make you happy. You and Noah."

"You really do care about Noah."

"You kidding? He stole my heart faster than you, Benson."

"So, basically the Benson family owns you."

"I guess you could say that. Yes."

"You are in big trouble, Hank Voight."

"Wouldn't want it any other way."

He wasn't lying. Olivia had stolen his heart the first time they met in New York. "I will arrest you," was supposed to be a threat but it ended up being their most intense moment; a new intimate joke between the two of them. And Noah was a blessing. He was the reason behind Olivia's happiness which made his safety and protection Hank's priority. Both of them were now an important part of his life and he didn't want to lose them.

"Speak of the devil. Why don't you go get him and I'll make us some dinner?"

"Can I trust you with food, Henry?"

He smacked her ass playfully. "You say Henry and I want to take you for another round. But, yes Mrs. Benson you can trust me."

Voight turned on the TV while he cooked. He wasn't watching but it felt better to have a random noise in the background. Little did he know that it would change his day…his life. The screen was the first thing Olivia saw when she walked into the kitchen with Noah. At first, she didn't understand what was going on. It took her a second to realize the police were pulling a body out of the river. That river which had been the main character in so many of Voight's old stories.

"The police found a dead man in the river." She heard the reporter saying. "All we know so far is that the killer –or possible killers– tried to keep the body down with chains and rocks."

"Is that why you had to leave?" Olivia asked as she muted the TV.

"Huh?"

"Is the body on TV why you had to go to work today?"

"You heard Erin on the phone."

"I heard her voice but I don't know what she said."

"She called me in about a case."

"And then, randomly, a dead man floats in your river."

"My river? I don't own any rivers."

"Don't play the fool with me, Hank. That river in which Al and you used to throw the bodies of the people who bothered you."

"You make me sound like a murderer, Olivia."

"That's what you were!" She sat Noah down on the floor and took a step closer to Voight. "Tell me you had nothing to do with that dead body. Say it, Hank."

"Olivia…"

"Olivia my ass. Tell me the truth right now."

"I can't."

"Hank Voight did you kill that man?"

"I can't talk to you about it."

Erin called him for personal matters. She was just now starting to get better after her relapse and the wrong people were still after her. That morning, she had been getting her last belongings out of her mom's house when one of the drug dealers ambushed her. She owed him money and he wasn't taking no for an answer. To win time, she drove him around the city trying to figure out what to do. But the worst happened. Erin freaked out and shot him. He wasn't attacking her so there was no way she could claim self-defense. Plus, who would believe her? Her only option was to call the one man who could protect her at all costs.

He found her in shock covered in blood not knowing what to do. Voight had promised himself he would never throw another body into the river but his daughter needed him and he couldn't fail her. He sent Erin home; told her to wash up and report her gun missing –he would make it disappear–. In the meantime, he drove the body to the docks and did what he always use to do. But the fear of someone seeing him, of someone finding out what Erin had done, made him be sloppy and he ended up messing things for the worst.

"I told you I can't talk about it. Just drop it, Olivia."

"So what did you do? You killed that guy and then just said "I'll go back to fuck Olivia"? You kill a guy and fuck me, nicely done."

"You have no idea what you are talking about, okay? Just forget about it."

"How am I supposed to forget you killed someone and then had sex with me? I guess I should be thankful you didn't come in with bloody clothes."

"Olivia," he took a step closer but she moved back, "can you just trust me?"

"You aren't even telling me what happened. How do you expect me to trust you?"

"Because you love me."

"I don't know how to love a murderer." She picked Noah up and walked to the bedroom.

Voight felt his heart breaking but there was nothing he could do. Protecting Erin was his job, his duty as a father, and as much as he loved Olivia he couldn't break the promise he had made to his daughter. He just never expected everything to get ruined so easily…so quickly.

"Olivia, please." He pleaded as he watched her pack their things.

"I'm not staying here. Not unless you tell me exactly what happened."

"I wish I could." He looked at her with those puppy eyes that showed his sadness.

"I wish you weren't a murderer."

"I'm not."

"How am I supposed to believe you?" Olivia wiped the tears away. "You said you wouldn't hurt me."

"Voight!" Noah screamed as if he knew what was going on.

Hank picked the little boy up and hugged Olivia with his other arm. "I'm not trying to hurt you. Please trust me."

She pressed her lips softly against his before whispering, "I wish I could."

"What does this mean?"

"That Noah and I are going home."

"Don't do that."

"You did this to us."

Olivia grabbed her suitcase while taking Noah from his arms and she knew her life would never be the same. Hank Voight had walked into her life to leave his very personal mark. With him she learned what truly being loved meant. What it felt like to have someone put her feelings first. And now she believed she was learning what it felt like to have her heart broken. A few hours ago, she thought nothing could ever tear them apart. She realized how mistaken she had been as she got on the taxi with Noah.

He rubbed his forehead and let out a deep sigh as he watched the taxi drive away. That was it; he had messed up the one good thing in his life, the chance of finally being happy again. He missed her already and knew he would miss her for the rest of his life. Olivia Benson was the kind of woman who would walk into your life and leave a mark. This time she had left her print on his heart and he knew he would love her for as long as he lived.

"Voight," he said as he answered the phone.

"Hank, what the hell happened?" Erin was freaking out. "I thought you took care of him."

"I did but I messed up."

"That doesn't sound like you."

"I made a mistake, Erin." He closed his eyes thinking he had made more than one. "I'll fix it. They won't find out."

"Do you need me to distract Olivia?"

"Olivia is gone."

"What?! What happened?"

"Just stay in your apartment, okay? I'll get Al to help me."

Al helped, no questions asked. But as they did the job he realized there was something wrong with Hank. Erin and he were the only ones who knew about his relationship with Olivia Benson. Tonight the look in Voight's eyes told him something had changed.

"Whatever you did, you'll find a way to fix it."

"Huh?"

"You've got that "I blame myself" look and Olivia is gone."

"I fucked up, Al, and I don't think she's coming back."

"Was it because of the body?"

"She called me a murderer."

"Did you tell her what actually happened?"

"No, I promised Erin I wouldn't let anyone know. I told you because I needed your help. I can't get Olivia involved in this mess; she deserves better."

"She deserves to know the truth, Hank." Al looked at him as he drove. "You are hurt and so is she."

"Like she said, I'm a murderer."

"She knew about your past already and took you in anyways. This time she's probably upset you didn't tell her and you kept hiding it from her. You should have told her."

"My daughter's protection comes first. If there's someone who would understand, that's Olivia."

"Then why didn't you tell her?"

"Because I'm an idiot, okay? I wanted to protect Erin and I wanted to keep Olivia away from this mess. I guess all I do is fuck things up!"

"You were actually doing things the right way with her."

"She deserves a much better man."

"How can you know what she deserves? She was with you because she thought your love was enough. Your mistake was deciding for her what she should have known."

"Al, do me a favor. Shut up."

"I'm just being honest, Hank."

Voight knew Alvin was right. He shouldn't have made the decision for Olivia but he couldn't break Erin's promise. His daughter's safety, her protection, would always come first. Too bad he had hurt the only person who would have understood.


	5. Chapter 5

She washed her face and pushed the tears away as she saw her reflection on the court's bathroom mirror. It had been nearly three months since she walked out of Voight's house and six weeks since she found out she was pregnant. The first thing she had wanted to do was call him but then she realized they weren't together anymore. Olivia was in love and pregnant but that didn't mean she was happy. She couldn't be with the man she loved and she was afraid she wouldn't be a good mother to Noah and the new baby. Hank had changed her life and even after months apart, she knew he still had a grip on her.

"You have to tell him." Barba said as he approached her on leaving the bathroom.

"If you say that again, I may have to punch you."

"Because you know I'm right."

"No, because you are annoying."

"Out of all people, I'm the one who dislikes him the most but he has the right to know he has a baby on the way."

"He's a murderer and my baby doesn't need that."

"Olivia, you knew about his past before this. What exactly changed?"

"His past is his past. But this time it was right in front of me. Hell, right before he put this baby in me!"

"You should talk to him."

"And you should stay out if, Barba."

Barba had found Olivia late at night in her office with the pregnancy test on her desk and uncontrollably sobbing. He knew how difficult it had been for her to gain her strength back after breaking up with Hank and was afraid this would set her back. She was his friend and even though Olivia was a private person, he knew how much Hank Voight meant to her…how much she truly loved him. Rafael knew that despite the pain she was happy to be carrying a Voight kid.

"You can hide behind that crappy mood all you want but deep down you know I'm right. You have to tell him and it kills you to know once you hear that disgustingly raspy voice you'll fall back into his arms."

"His voice isn't disgusting." She said like a little girl defending her toys that made Barba roll his eyes.

"You need him and I'm sure he needs you."

Little did Olivia know that Voight's life had become a mess since she last saw him. He had been able to keep Erin's doing a secret and keep her out of trouble. But he missed Olivia and Noah more than he would like to admit. His mood was awful and his violent outrages were happening more often and getting worse. No one wanted to interfere but they all worried something really bad would end up happening. Alvin and Erin knew only Olivia could help.

"Hank, you have to calm down." Al said as they walked back to the office from the cage. "You nearly killed that guy."

"He wasn't talking and we need him to talk. Do you have any other ideas?"

"No, but killing him won't help us."

"This is how I do things. Don't like it? Walk away. You wouldn't be the first one."

"You miss Olivia? Great, go get her or suck it up, man."

 _[Four months later]_

"You want to go ahead and tell him?" Alvin asked Erin as he handed her the New York files back.

"I have to." She walked into Hank's office. "We have a lead on the case."

"Tell me."

"Our suspect is in New York right now. Rollins sent me the files with everything they have. What do you want us to do?"

"We are going to New York"

"Are you sure?"

"It was an order, Lindsay."

"Okay, Hank."

Voight sat down at his desk the minute Erin walked out and his mind started wandering. Almost seven months had gone by since the last time he saw her and didn't know what he would do when he saw her again. The case needed him to go to New York in order to be solved and he believed it could be a good chance to talk to her again. He had no idea how things would go but he needed to see her again.

"Rollins, did you send all our files to CPD?" Olivia asked as she rubbed her lower back.

"Yes, Lieutenant. I sent everything to Lindsay and she said they are on their way."

"They?"

"Sargent Voight and her."

"Fin," she looked at him, "you'll be Sergeant Voight's shadow while he is here. We don't need his violence affecting our case." With that said, she locked herself in her office.

Olivia sat on her chair and rubbed her baby bump. The baby was still growing healthy and changing her life week after week. Her team had never once mentioned Voight nor asked any questions about the pregnancy. She was hours away from facing Hank and having to tell him about their baby, something she hadn't expected to do. She was a strong woman but she didn't know whether her strength would be with her as she saw him again.

"Sergeant, welcome back." Carisi shook Voight's hand. "Hello, Lindsay."

"Thanks. What do we have?"

"Rollins is at the new crime scene. Olivia said you," he looked at Erin, "should meet with her there. And you, Sergeant Voight, have to wait here for Fin."

"Am I grounded?" He nodded for Erin to walk away. "Is Olivia in her office?"

"Yes, she is."

"Then I'll talk to her." Voight said as he made his way to the office.

He was about to say something when she turned around and he saw the baby bump. Voight was a man who always knew what to say but this time he was speechless. He hadn't seen her nor talked to her in months and now she was standing in front of him pregnant. His mind was unable to process any thoughts but his first instinct was to wrap his arms around her.

"Sergeant Voight." She pronounced his name with sadness bringing him back to reality.

"You're pregnant?"

"Well," Olivia rubbed her stomach, "I think the answer is pretty obvious."

"How far along?"

"Twenty-five weeks."

"About the same time we've spent apart."

"Are you asking if the baby is yours?"

"Is it?"

"Yes, this is your baby, Voight."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because there was nothing to talk about."

"Nothing to talk about?" He closed her office door and walked closer to her. "Our baby is nothing to talk about?"

"My baby, your baby, not our baby." She took a step back. "Fin will be accompanying you while you are here. Don't mess up or I will arrest you."

"I don't give a crap about the case. Benson you should have called me."

"I guess we both should have done things differently."

Barba was right, the moment she heard his voice she had wanted to throw her walls down and fall into his arms. The way he had looked at her when he realized she was pregnant and hadn't told him broke her heart. Olivia was still madly in love with him but she couldn't fall back into him after what had happened. She didn't trust him like she used to and now she had two kids to worry about. Sometimes Noah would still ask about Voight and it broke her heart.

He couldn't take his eyes away from her; she looked even more beautiful than last time. She was wearing her glasses –the ones he loved– and pregnancy suited her. There was no way he could deny it, he was still in love with her. After the last time, he had stayed mad at himself and never at her. But as he stood in her office looking at her, he was mad. He believed he had the right to know about his kid, their kid.

"I don't care how mad you were, Benson. You should have called me. I'm that baby's father as much as you are the mother."

"You didn't deserve to know, Voight."

"Who are you to decide what I do or don't deserve?"

"I'm the baby's mother. I made a choice that would benefit the baby."

"You did this for yourself, Olivia. The thought of talking to me killed you so you chose not to tell me. Don't give me that crap about it being the best for the baby."

"I don't care whether you believe me or not, I did this for my baby."

"Our baby. The kid is ours. Not yours, not mine, ours."

"There is no us. Why should there be an ours?"

"Because that baby is the product of our love. You may hate my guts now but you did love me. The baby you are carrying is the result of our love. So, do me a favor, cut it out with that "my baby" crap. Like it or not, I'm the father."

"Yes, you are the baby's father but I don't want you in my life."

"You can't keep me away from my kid."

"I am not saying that. You can be the father you just can't be a constant bother in my life."

"Don't flatter yourself, Benson. I have better things to do." Voight saw Fin walking into the squad room. "Like solving this case. Fin is here so I'll be out of your way."

"Stay out of trouble, Sergeant Voight. Don't make me arrest you."

Fin noticed Voight wasn't himself while they were interviewing the suspect; he seemed lost. Hank just couldn't stop thinking about Olivia and their baby. He wanted to talk to her because he knew they couldn't leave their things that way; the thought of staying mad at her broke him. All he wanted was to go back in time and make it right. But the past was the past and he would have to figure out how to be in his baby's life and on Olivia's right side.

Lucy left Noah sleeping in his room and Olivia was grateful because she was emotionally drained and needed time on her own. She kicked her shoes off and allowed her body to fall on the couch. The baby had been kicking non-stop since her argument with Voight; probably feeling dad's presence. She hated fighting with Hank and wished they could hide their feelings for a while so they could at least solve the case. But it was hard. They were both still in love and that was something that wouldn't simply disappear.

"Erin?" Olivia said as she opened the door. "Is there something wrong?"

"Can I come in?"

"Of course," she stepped aside to let her in. "What's going on?"

"There's something you need to know. Something I should have told you months ago."

"Erin, you are scaring me. Just say it."

"Remember that fourth of July weekend when I called Hank?"

"Believe me, I couldn't forget it even if I wanted to."

"Well," Lindsay took a seat looking down to the floor, "I was at my mom's house getting a few things when a drug dealer I owed money to came up to me. He wanted money I didn't have and I freaked out. I shot him; he died in my car. So I called Hank because he is the only one who could help me. And he did. He made the body disappear…well, he tried."

"You mean Hank didn't kill him?"

"He didn't. Olivia, he hasn't killed or attempted to kill someone since he met you." She looked over at Benson. "He was protecting me and I'm really sorry I ruined things. I should have said something sooner."

"It's not your fault, Erin."

"I feel like I messed both of your lives and I'm truly sorry."

"Don't worry, okay?" Olivia squeezed her hand. "We are both adults, we'll figure it out."

"I'm really sorry, Olivia."

She watched Lindsay walk away and the tears filled her eyes. Seven months of anger and sadness over something that had actually been an act of fatherly love. She had called him a murderer, accused him of killing someone and then coming over to have sex with her. She wished she could take all the words she had pronounced back and change how things had gone.

"Voight." She heard his voice as he answered the phone.

"Come over. We have to talk." And with that, she hanged up.


	6. Chapter 6

"What do you need, Benson?" He asked with that tone he used on suspects. Hank looked at her up and down; she was wearing the shirt he had forgotten at her house months ago. "You call and expect me to come running after you?"

"You are here, aren't you?" She shoved him gently with her shoulder.

"Is this your way of saying you're sorry?" Olivia was barefooted so she was a few inches shorter and he looked down at her.

"I'm a hormonal pregnant woman who hasn't seen you in seven months. How about we talk later?" She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips softly.

"Damn it, Benson." He said as he picked her up and carried her to her bedroom.

Hank dropped her gently on the bed and took a moment to look at her. He had missed her so much, missed everything about her. The way her sleepy eyes looked at him in the morning. How she whispered good morning in his ear or goodnight against his chest before falling asleep. The way she would laugh at his jokes or blush whenever he called her beautiful. He was mad at her for keeping their baby a secret but as he saw her on the bed giggling like a silly teenager he knew he couldn't stay mad forever.

He got on the bed and placed his hands on her hips while a small smirk appeared on his face as he realized she wasn't wearing underwear. "Olivia," he whispered before going down on her slowly using the tip of his tongue to tease her. Olivia grabbed the sheets as she bit down on her lip; she could feel his tongue circling her clit as she got wet. A soft moan escaped her lips and she arched her body thrusting her hips against his face. Voight used his tongue deeply on her as he felt her legs tense under his hands. It made him feel good to know he could still drive her crazy and the small scream that left her mouth as she came reinforced that feeling.

She reached down and pulled him up from his shirt. "I've missed you, Hank Voight."

"I've missed you too, Olivia."

"Erin told me what happened. I am so sorry about everything I said." Olivia pushed her forehead against his and whispered, "I am sorry I called you a murderer."

"That did hurt, Benson." He kissed the tip of her nose as he used to do. "It's my fault though, I should have told you."

"I don't blame you. You were protecting your daughter and I understand that."

"I knew you would understand but I couldn't tell you." Hank moved his hands to her stomach and felt the baby kicking. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl."

"Daddy's little girl." He smiled proudly.

"I should have told you. It didn't matter how mad I was, you had the right to know."

"Yes, I did. I know what I did was wrong and it hurt you but she is my baby. I feel like I missed so many things already."

"Only morning sickness and cravings."

"And doctor's appointments. Watching your bump grow."

"You would have still missed that while being in Chicago."

"You think I would have stayed there and left you alone?"

"Of course. That's your city."

"And? You are the woman I love and that's my baby. I wouldn't have even stopped to think about it."

"Hank…" she said as she started crying.

Olivia couldn't believe what she heard. Never had she expected him to leave his city, his home, his team for her and the baby. But she looked into his eyes and finally understood that man would do anything for her. Hank Voight was the first man who had honestly loved her and had been willing to do everything in his power to make her happy. Maybe those seven months apart had been necessary for her to realize he wasn't like the rest, he would never do something to harm her. Was it possible that Olivia Benson had finally found the love of her life?

"Benson," he used his finger to brush the tears away, "no crying. We are supposed to be making up."

"But," she sobbed and could barely talk, "I can't…believe you would…leave your…life behind for…me."

"Olivia, I would go to the end of the world for you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled between tears. "You have made me the happiest woman alive. You have no idea how much you've changed my life."

"Believe me, I know. You changed my life, Olivia Benson, and I don't want to go back to how it was. These last months have been hell."

"I know! All I wanted to do was call you and tell you about our baby."

"Our baby." Hank repeated with a grin. "I like the sound of that."

"She is our baby. The product of this wonderful love story."

It filled his heart with joy to hear her say "our baby". Hank Voight felt old and never dreamed of having another child. After his wife's death he thought he would spend the rest of his life chasing bad guys and watching Erin and Justin create their own families. He could have never imagined he would fall in love with another woman and have a baby with her…be the father to her son was a bonus. Now he didn't want to imagine his days without Olivia, Noah and their daughter who would soon join them. Voight knew he would have to leave his beloved Chicago in order to live his new and happy life; it hurt him but he knew it would bring him the happiness he deserved.

"And where is this story going?"

"I don't know, Hank. All I can say is that I don't ever want to be without you again."

"Once this case is over, I'll fly back to Chicago so that I can organize my things and move out here."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Olivia looked into his eyes trying to find the truth. "I don't want you to feel pressured into moving here."

"Your whole life is here, Benson."

"And yours is in Chicago."

"You are my life now. Justin isn't there anymore and Erin has Jay. The team will manage without me. Hell, it might do them some good."

"You still have time to think about it."

"Olivia, there's nothing to think about. I'm moving to New York."

"Thank you…" she was about to say something else when she heard Noah calling for her.

"I'll go get him," Voight said. "I've missed that kid."

"And he's missed you too."

Olivia wasn't lying. For the last seven months, Noah had been asking about Voight on a daily basis. He had learned how to say a few more things but Hank's last name was his most pronounced word. At the beginning, it made Benson cry to hear her son calling for the man she had lost. But after she had found out about the pregnancy, it made her happy to know her daughter would still be able to learn about her father. And in that moment, as she hid under the blankets, she was excited to see Noah's reaction to having their beloved Voight back.

"Hey, kid."

"Voight!" Noah yelled as he sat on his crib clapping his little hands. "Voight!"

"Yes, it's me." Voight picked him up and kissed his chubby cheeks. "You can't imagine how much I've missed you."

"Voight," he whispered as he hid his face against Hank's chest.

"I love you, kid." He rubbed the boy's back as he walked to the master bedroom. "One sleepy Noah Benson coming in."

"He wakes up at this time every night and ends up sleeping in bed with me until I go to work."

"He probably missed sleeping on my chest." He chuckled as he got back into bed with Noah on his chest.

"I don't know about him but his mommy sure did."

Noah blinked trying to keep his eyes opened. "Voight, mommy," he whispered with a sleepy smile.

"I know, baby." Olivia leaned over and kissed his forehead. "He is back."

Noah closed his eyes and fell asleep with a smile on his face that nearly brought Voight to tears. Falling in love with Olivia Benson had meant loving her kid just as much. Hank loved spending time with the little boy, playing with his toys and watching over him. The last months had been even harder for him because he had lost the woman he loved and the boy he had come to consider a son. Now he had both of them back. Moving to New York would also mean being part of Noah's life, watching him grow and maybe, just maybe, become his male role model. But he was Olivia's son and he didn't want to impose.

"Our daughter will have a fantastic older brother, Benson."

"I know. She is one lucky little girl."

"She is. She has the most amazing mother and brother."

"And father. Hank, you are a great father. The kind I would want Noah to have."

"I'd like to be that to Noah." Voight looked at Olivia and for the first time she knew he was nervous. "If you would let me, of course."

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

Olivia sat up resting her back against the headboard and biting down on her bottom lip. "Would you like to officially adopt him?"

"Are you giving me two kids, Lieutenant?"

"If you'd like to have them."

"Absolutely." Hank smiled proudly. "Noah Benson Voight does sound pretty good."

"I like how you kept my name first accepting who is in charge."

"Charlotte is getting my name first."

"Charlotte?"

"You like it?"

"I do." She leaned down and kissed his lips softly careful not to wake Noah up.

When she adopted Noah, she had never imagined she would give him a father. If she was honest with herself, she hadn't imagined meeting someone who would enchant her the way Voight did. Once she became that little boy's mom, she pictured her life as a single working mom and she was okay with it. After all, being a mom had always been Olivia's biggest dream. A dream that became her reality. A reality that involved a relationship with a tough but soft Chicago cop and a little girl who would soon be joining them. She finally had the family she had always wanted.

Voight was excited about the new things the future would bring his way. He was not looking forward to the sleepless nights or parent-teacher meetings again. But he was looking forward to sharing all of those things with Olivia. He had seen her motherly skills in practice with Noah and knew she would be no different with Charlotte. They would be a pair of old parents who loved their children and dedicated their lives to them. Hank Voight's life had never been easy but he now believed every little thing had prepared him for the moment in which he met Olivia Benson.

"So, did you tell your team how bad of a murderer I was?"

"No. Luckily, they respect me and never asked. I mean, I had never told them we were together but I guess they put two and two together. I was pregnant and stopped talking to you; something bad had happened."

"I bet they blamed me."

"Actually," she looked at him over the chocolate bar she was eating, "Barba blamed me."

"Now, THAT I do not believe it. Barba hates me."

"Oh, he does. He just kept saying that if you did kill that man, it wasn't any different from what you used to do. That I knew about your past and had accepted you anyways."

"I think I like that little lawyer now." He laughed lowly. "He was right."

"Yes and no. Yes, I did know about your past and fell in love with you. But the past is the past and I wanted to believe you wouldn't do something I disapproved of. And in that moment, I thought you had killed someone and then came back to have sex with me…and get me pregnant."

"I'm not denying what I used to do; it is a part of who I am. But since I've met you, since we started sleeping together, I stopped doing that. I won't change my way of working but I am not killing any people. Not if it means losing you, because they aren't worth it."

"I just don't want you to get in trouble and taken away from us."

Olivia didn't want to change Hank or the way he was. She had fallen in love with that way he talked to suspects. The way he intimidated the people around him. The way he imposed his fear on others. The way he took care of his own. The way he loved. She was in love with who he was and never wanted to change him.


	7. Chapter 7

"Daddy's going to miss you," Hank said as he rubbed Olivia's growing baby bump in the bathtub. He kissed the back of her neck before whispering, "daddy will miss mommy too."

"Oh believe me, mommy will miss you terribly."

The case had been solved two days after Voight's arrival but he chose to stay two weeks with Olivia. He said it was to make up for the lost time but deep down he knew that wasn't all. A few days earlier, he accompanied Benson to the doctor and he told them the last few months would be troublesome. Olivia had high blood pressure and, because of her age, labor may present some difficulties. After hearing all that, Hank decided to stay a bit longer even though he knew he would have to go back to Chicago at some point to get everything ready for his big move to New York.

Benson understood from the very beginning the risks of her pregnancy so she wasn't surprised nor scared when the doctor talked about her difficulties. She had seen the look on Voight's face as the doctor spoke and she could feel with every touch that he was afraid she might break. Repeatedly she had reassured him blood pressure being high was normal and that she would be okay when the time to give birth arrived. But there was no fooling Henry Voight and he could see she was getting more and more tired as the days went by.

"Are you comfortable?"

"Yes, Hank." She was resting her head against his chest and could feel his fingers deeply massaging her shoulders. "Fin doesn't allow me to do anything at work but sit on my desk. Then I come home and all you let me do is sit on the couch. I'm pregnant, not dying."

"You heard the doctor, Olivia."

"He said I have high blood pressure and I slowed down on the salt."

"This isn't funny, Benson." She could feel the worry in his voice. "I'm leaving in the morning and he said these months may be troubled. And then he said labor would be difficult."

"I'll be fine, Voight." Olivia hated when he treated her like a little girl. "I've been following doctor recommendations and we will follow his orders when the time to push this baby out comes. I won't stop living my life because you are scared."

"Of course I'm scared. You heard what he said, how aren't you scared?"

"I'm not scared because I've known about it all along. The first time I visited the doctor, he told me what the risks would be and I chose to take them. Our baby is worth all the risks."

"That's selfish, Benson. What about Noah? What about me?"

"You are talking as if you knew I was going to die."

"That is one of the fucking risks!"

Olivia used all the energy she had to turn her body around so she was facing Voight. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moved her body closer to his. In his eyes, she could see how much he loved her but he she could also see how worried he was. That was the last thing she wanted or needed. She needed Hank to be the strong one. To be the arms that held her tight at night pushing the fears away. She pretended to be tough but needed him to take control. Voight was always strong but when it came to Olivia and the kids, he couldn't hide his fears.

"I'm going to be okay, Hank." She kissed his lips gently. "Tough woman over here."

"I know you're tough but you can't be in control of everything and that is what I think you don't understand."

"Do you think I don't understand the risks? Do you think I don't understand I could die leaving Noah and you behind?" By the time she was done talking, tears were already flowing from her eyes. "Of course I understand but I like to believe I am stronger."

Hank didn't talk. He wrapped his arms around her holding her against his chest. He couldn't see her breaking down; not when he believed she was the unafraid one in the situation. In that moment, Voight understood they were both terrified of their uncertain future. It wasn't just them they were thinking about. Noah was the main preoccupation. A week ago Hank had officially adopted Noah which meant whatever happened to Olivia he would be the little kid's sole guardian. The risks of the pregnancy affected their son as much as it affected them.

Voight stood up and used his strength to pick Olivia up and carry her to the bedroom. He gently changed her into one of his shirts –the one she loved– and arranged her pillows the way she always asked him to. She closed her eyes and whispered "I love you" as she fell asleep. For a few minutes, he watched her sleep. Watched the way her chest would raise and fall as she breathed. The way her eyebrows relaxed as the sleep got deeper and the dreams started playing in her mind. He loved her with every cell of his being and promised himself he would do everything in his power to keep her healthy and alive.

"Voight!" Noah screamed from his crib as he saw the older man walking into his bedroom.

"Hey kid." He picked the boy up and sat down on the floor. "You have no idea what's going on, haven't you?"

"Voight." Noah touched his cheek as if he could understand his dad's pain.

"I promise I won't let anything bad happen to mommy or your sister. The four of us will make a happy family. We will take family trips and celebrate birthdays, Christmas and all sorts of holidays together. I am not about to let anything ruin us, you hear me?" Voight looked down on the boy with tears in his eyes. "I love you, Noah, and as your father I won't let any harm come to you."

Olivia had waken up and was standing behind the door listening to Hank and every word he spoke to Noah. She couldn't stop the tears and had mixed feelings. Part of her was happy to have Hank in their life knowing no matter what happened Noah would always have his father. But another part was sad knowing there was a slight chance of her son losing her; she wasn't ready to die. There was only a small chance of her labor ending in her death but knowing it was a possibility made it all worse.

She wiped the tears away and walked into the bedroom. "What are you boys doing on the floor?"

"Mama," Noah put his arms out for her, "up."

"We were just talking." Hank stood up holding Noah and kissed Olivia's cheek. "Mama can't pick you up, kid."

"How about the three of us cuddle in bed?"

"Sounds like a fair deal to me, Lieutenant."

Noah got comfortable on Voight's chest and started sucking on his thumb, a new thing he did to make himself fall asleep. Olivia rested her head on Hank's shoulder and softly sang the song that would always make the little boy fall asleep. Voight loved hearing her sing; she wouldn't do it unless it was nighttime and Noah needed to sleep. Not even for him in the privacy of the bedroom. She didn't believe she was good at it but nothing made him happier than listening to her voice.

"I loved it." Hank said when Noah fell asleep and Olivia stopped singing. "I don't understand why you don't do it more often."

"Because I'm terrible at it."

"You are not. Noah loves it. I love it. Charlotte will love it too."

"I will only sing her to sleep. That is it. You don't get to hear me sing aside from that."

"Benson that is so unfair," he said chuckling. "You are stealing the world of a beautiful voice."

"You are just saying that because you are my boyfriend."

"I hate the word boyfriend."

"Oh excuse me, Sergeant. How would you like me to call you?"

"Anything but that horrendous word."

"Father of my kids? Love of my life? Best sex I've ever had? Take your pick."

"Best sex I've ever had suits me." Voight moved his head slightly and kissed her deeply. "So, I'm the love of your life?"

"You knew that already."

"No, I did not know that. How was I supposed to know it if you never told me?"

"Yes, Henry Voight, you are the love of my life."

Olivia had had a hard time accepting and admitting to herself that the violent Chicago cop was indeed the love of her life. When they had started fooling around, she made a promise to herself that she wouldn't involve feelings in the bed, on sex time. But she had never expected Voight to be…Voight. He was rough but gentle in bed and for some reason truly cared about her feelings; the ones she had tried to push away. And just like that, she found herself thinking about him every time her mind wasn't set on a case. The violent Chicago cop grew on her and she found herself loving him like she had never loved before.

"My plane leaves tomorrow at 8am and I'll be back permanently in about three weeks."

"Sounds good. I'll make room in the closet for your clothes and I've already asked Lucy to help me more often with Noah while you're gone. Carisi and Fin agreed to paint Charlotte's room over the weekend since we have to make sure everything is ready."

"I'm glad they've agreed to help because I hated thinking I was going to leave you alone and with nothing done."

"You know my team is my family. I will never be alone and neither will you or the kids."

"I know but I still felt guilty."

"Don't worry, we'll manage three weeks without you."

"I wish I could come back sooner."

"Hank, we've already discussed it. You need that time to organize your things. Moving states and leaving your team behind isn't a joke."

"My team will be okay without me but how do I know you and Noah won't need me?"

"Dear Voight, we survived seven months without you. Yes, we barely made it but we did it. So, I think we will be alive and healthy by the time you get back."

"Still doesn't make it any less hard. And, dear Benson, you weren't nearly eight months pregnant and you were able to pick Noah up."

"I was and now I'm not. That's why I've asked Lucy to be around more often."

"I would feel better if I knew she stayed over at night."

"You do realize she has a life outside being Noah's babysitter, right?"

"Feeling funny, Benson?" He raised his eyebrows at her but with a smile. "I do know that but I'm sure for a little more money she would stay at night."

"I am sure she would but I don't want her to."

"But I do. Can you please ask her for me?"

"Fine, Voight, fine."

If she was completely honest with herself, Olivia wanted Lucy to stay over at night as much as he did. She knew the extra help would be needed when Noah woke up crying in the middle of the night and she couldn't even get him out of his crib. But above all, something inside her heart told her having Lucy a few rooms down would be important if something happened to her while Voight was away. It was necessary to have someone who could call an ambulance or her doctor or let Hank know she was going into labor. With only a few more weeks to go and the complications that could come up, Lucy was going to be of great help.

"You'll call her tomorrow then?"

"First thing I'll do when I wake up. Stop worrying so much."

"Asking me not to worry about you or the kids is like asking the sun to stop shinning."

"Who knew you could be such a poet?"

"What can I say? I do have a soft side in me."

"I have no doubt about it. It shows when you play with Noah or when you talk to Charlotte through my stomach. The way you care about Erin, Justin and your grandson. You hide behind that tough mask but not so deep down you are a softie, Hank."

"You could say I am." He looked into her eyes. "But loving you has surely made me go softer. You have a way around me, Benson. I still haven't been able to figure it out but there's something about you that takes control of me. You have power over me."

"It's my love, Voight."

"Maybe. I do believe there's more to it. Like, the way you complete me. The way you can calm me down and put my feet on the ground when no one else can. I don't know what it is but I love that about you and I can't live without it."

"And you won't ever have to." She sat up on the bed and stared at him. "I know these last few days you've been worried sick with everything the doctor said. So have I. But my promise to you is that Charlotte and I will both be okay. You will have Olivia Benson for the rest of your life."

"You better be right." He closed his eyes before whispering, "I love you too much to have something bad happening to you."

Little did he know the nightmare was just beginning.


	8. Chapter 8

Hank switched his phone off airplane mode the second his right foot stepped on Chicago soil. He hadn't been able to close his eyes even for ten minutes during the flight and all he wanted was to hear Olivia's voice. Needed to know how she was doing and find out whether she had talked to Lucy already or not. He had to know how Noah had waken up after he left and how many times Charlotte had kicked her already. Voight had just gotten to Chicago and he missed his New York family terribly.

His phone started buzzing repeatedly the moment it recovered its connection. Four missed calls, ten text messages and a voicemail were waiting for him. The calls came from Olivia's phone and so did the voicemail but the texts were from Fin; all they said was that Hank should give him a call as soon as possible. He heard the voicemail but it was empty, she had probably left it by accident. So he tried calling her…no one answered. That's when he knew the best option was to give Fin a call.

"Fin, what's going on?" Voight asked desperately as soon as the other man picked up the phone. "I've been calling Olivia but she's not answering."

"Hank, you should come back."

"Tell me what's going on."

"Lucy called me an hour ago saying she had found Olivia passed out on her bedroom floor. We brought her to the hospital and the doctors are with her right now."

"Is she okay? Did you call her doctor? Where's Noah?"

"We haven't heard anything yet. And yes, her doctor is here. Noah stayed at the apartment with Lucy and Carisi said he'll go check on them as soon as we know what's going on. Hank, you should get on the next plane back."

"Believe me," he said as he ran towards the airline center, "I'm there already."

He was able to get a ticket on the next plane, which was leaving in an hour. It was going to be the longest flight of his life. The minute he was able to unbuckle the seatbelt, he started walking up and down the aisle at a speedy pace. His mind was playing tricks on him. What if he landed to find Olivia dead? He couldn't even think about the baby and he knew it was wrong but his thoughts were focused on the woman he loved. He couldn't lose her, he wouldn't survive without her. Noah wouldn't survive. Noah, his heart broke the second the little boy showed up on his train of thoughts. Olivia was that kid's life and he needed her more than anyone. Benson had to pull through or too many lives would be devastated.

When he landed he ran out of the gate and looked around for Barba, he was the one in charge of picking him up. He grabbed his suitcase rapidly and found the other many quickly after that. None of them spoke, neither of them could do so. Their minds were set on Olivia and how she was doing; Fin hadn't heard from the doctors yet because they were still working on her…that didn't put Voight at ease.

"Where are the damn doctors?" Voight asked in his threatening tone as he walked into the waiting room.

"They are still with her." Rollins said looking up from the floor. "They've just said they'll be out soon."

"And all you've done is sit here? I need answers!"

"I can give them to you, Hank." Olivia's doctor said as he stepped into the room. "Her blood pressure got higher than last time and she probably got out of bed too fast which caused her to faint. With the fall, she hit her head and her brain swelled. That's what we've been controlling since she got here." He looked around the room before he continued speaking. "The fall, also, caused contractions which means we need to get the baby out before the pressure starts affecting Olivia's brain."

"So what will you do?"

"The baby is stable and healthy so we can perform a C-section and, since it's a few weeks early, we'll keep her monitored. After that, it'll be easier to control the swelling in Olivia's brain."

"Will both of them make it through?"

"That is my goal."

Voight sat with his head between his hands keeping his eyes on the floor. The doctor was performing a C-section and they all knew how risky it was for Olivia in that condition. And, even though they had reassured him the baby would be okay, he was afraid Charlotte wouldn't make it. She wouldn't be the first nor the last baby born a few weeks earlier but she was his daughter and he needed her to be okay. He needed both his girls to make it through and go home with Noah and him.

Carisi had gone to check on Noah while the rest of them stayed with Hank. No one spoke. No one moved. They could barely wrap their minds around what was happening. Olivia was the team's rock whether they said it or not and knowing they could lose her made it all worse. Fin would lose a friend just as much as Melinda and Barba. Aside from Voight, those three would be the most affected by losing their boss and a longtime friend. She had touched so many lives she couldn't just be gone.

An hour later, the doctor walked out of the OR. "Congratulations, Hank. You are the father to a beautiful healthy baby girl. She was bigger than we expected so there's no need to put her in the baby incubator. Her lungs developed properly so we don't need to intubate her but she will need a feeding tube while Olivia remains unconscious."

"When can I see her?"

"The nurses are cleaning her up and will come get you when you can see her."

"Thank you, doc." He shook the doctor's hand feeling part of his fears abandoning his body. "What about Olivia?"

"We are keeping an eye on her. Our prediction is that the swelling should go down now; we will give it about two hours. If nothing changes, we will have to operate to relieve the pressure on her brain. That's the last thing we want so we hope to see changes in the next few hours. I will let you know."

"Do you think I could see her?"

"Yes, of course."

Voight's legs were shaking as he followed the doctor to the bedroom. Olivia was on the bed, the heartbeat monitor to her left, a breathing tube connected to her through her mouth and a few different cables connected to her arms and head. A big screen to her right held brain scans that showed the swelling from the moment she had been checked in up to a few minutes after the C-section. Benson would always have her tough woman mask on but as he looked at her he saw her the weakest she had ever been and it tear his heart apart.

He sat on the chair next to her bed and carefully held her hand in his. It was cold and it didn't feel hers. Seemed like the woman on that bed wasn't the woman who had kissed him goodbye earlier that day. She didn't look like the Olivia Benson he knew and he couldn't stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. Hank Voight never cried but in that moment it was all he could do. He felt helpless knowing no matter what he did he couldn't change her situation.

"You better not die on me, Benson." He kissed her hand softly. "Noah and Charlotte need their mother to stay alive. They need you to protect them, take care of them and love them. And I need you, Olivia. I love you so much and I cannot lose you. My life would be a mess and we both know I can't raise the kids on my own. How am I supposed to do it without you? They need their mom and dad together. So you better not die on me, you better not."

By the time he was done talking his eyes were puffy from crying. He was exhausted and it had just been a few hours since the nightmare had begun. They still had to wait and see if the swelling went down but the minutes were going by too slow. The next hours or days would be the longest of his life and the one person who could keep him sane was the unconscious one. And now he had to be the strong one for Noah and Charlotte, they were going to need him more than ever.

"Sir," the nurse said from the door, "would you like to see your daughter?" Hank nodded and stood up following her to the nursery. He washed his hands with a special soap and walked through the doors to face ten baby incubators, only five of them were occupied. The nurse pointed to a crib on his right and he saw his daughter connected to a feeding tube. Although the doctors had said she was bigger than expected, he saw a tiny baby. His tiny baby. Their tiny baby girl.

"Hi, little girl." Voight whispered as he picked Charlotte up careful not to pull the feeding tube out. "You look just like your mommy; have her nose and lips. That's good, you don't look like daddy." He chuckled not to cry. "I love you so much, Charlotte, and I know the moment she sees you mommy will fall in love with you just like I did. Don't worry; mommy will make it through for us."

As he held their daughter in his arms, Hank remembered the moment he had found out Olivia was pregnant. He had been terribly mad and deeply hurt knowing she had kept it a secret for seven months. Something that changed as he thought about having a baby with the woman he was in love with. How life was giving him another chance to right the wrongs he had made with Justin and Erin. He got another chance at love and parenthood. But as he looked down on Charlotte, he realized life could take all of that away from him by stealing Olivia from their lives.

"Charlotte is doing well," Voight said as he walked back to the waiting room. "She has a feeding tube but she's strong and healthy."

"That's good to hear." Carisi, who had just arrived, said. "How's Olivia doing?"

"I saw her before I went to see Charlotte. We are still waiting for the doctors to inform us of any changes. How's Noah?"

"He's doing okay. Melinda went over to take care of him because Lucy had to go."

"Don't worry, Hank." Fin interfered, "we have arranged to take turns taking care of Noah so you can be here for Olivia."

"Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it."

"Olivia is our friend and we are a family." Barba said with a nod.

Benson had said that to him the previous day, as if she had known what was going to happen. Hank had learned, in the last year, how close the SVU team was. Olivia and Fin had been together for years and had seen so many walk in and out of the team. Sometimes with difficulties, they had opened their precinct to newbies and taken them in. Melinda had also been with them from the very beginning. Amanda, Barba and Carisi were the newbies but they were still family. They cared about Olivia as much as she cared about them. Losing her would leave an enormous hole in their lives.

"Hank." The doctor motioned for him to come over.

"Yes? Any news?"

"The nurse just handed me Olivia's most recent brain scan and sadly the swelling hasn't gone down. On the contrary, the pressure is stronger and that could leave neurological problems if we don't treat it immediately."

"Then, what will you do?"

"We are prepping her for surgery right now. I don't exactly know how long the operation will take until I cut in and see the swell."

"Is that going to be it?" Voight looked at him with pleading eyes. "Don't sugarcoat it, doc. Is Olivia getting out of this alive?"

"The surgery has its risks just like every brain surgery."

"That's not what I'm asking. Will the mother of my kids survive the surgery?"

"You know I cannot make any promises. As her doctor, I can tell you we are going to do our very best to recover her conscience and keep her here for you. From man to man, all I can say is that you should pray to whichever gods you believe in."

"Thank you for your honesty."

Hank walked back to the rest of the group and told them about the surgery. He kept to himself the fact that she could die in the middle of the surgery. The last thing they needed was for them to worry more than what they already were. He could see the sadness and the anxiety in their eyes. That's when he picked himself up and made up his mind. Hank Voight was going to be the strong one to keep them all going. He wasn't alone, he wasn't the only one affected by what was going on. Noah, Charlotte, Fin, Amanda, Melinda, Barba and Carisi would be as heartbroken as him if she passed away. He would keep the tough guy mask on and be the strong supporter they all needed.

"Why don't you guys go home to get some rest? Doctor doesn't know how long the surgery will take. I will call you once it's done."

"No, Hank." Amanda said squeezing his arm. "We are staying here with you. We are staying here for her."


	9. Chapter 9

"Thanks, Melinda." Hank said as he got Noah from her arms. "Olivia just got out of surgery and the doctor said she will take two hours to wake up." Noah hid his face against his dad's neck.

"How did it go? Were they able to tell you anything?"

"He said it went well but they won't truly know until she wakes up."

"I'm sure she'll be okay." Melinda leaned forward and squeezed Noah's cheek making him smile. "He's been fed and is ready to nap. Do you want me to stay?"

"No, it's fine, thank you. I want to stay with him for a while and then Amanda is coming over. You go home and get some sleep." He walked her to the door and forced a smile as he said, "thanks, Melinda, for all your help."

"He's my friend's son; I'd do anything for him."

He watched the door close behind Melinda and let himself fall on the sofa with Noah on his chest. The little boy kept playing with the neck of Hank's shirt, trying to bite it and failing to do so. He looked –and was– unaware of everything that was going on. Had no idea he could still lose his mother. No idea he was now a big brother. No idea his dad was breaking and felt like giving up; that's why Hank decided to go home and see Noah before Olivia woke up. He needed to feel close to her and the only way was to be with the one person who brought the light into her life. Being with Noah made him feel closer to Benson and in that moment he needed that.

"I wish I was you right now," Voight looked into the little boy's eyes. "I wish I had no idea what's going on; feel no pain. You can't understand how broken I am, kid. I need to be strong for your sister and you but the source of my strength could die any minute now. And do you know what that means?" He coughed to clear his throat. "Our doom, our end. What the hell are the three of us going to do without mom? We would be lost, man. So, she better make it." Noah laughed as if he knew his dad needed to be cheered up. "You think she'll make it? Maybe you're right. I hope you are. I love your mother so much, Noah; you can't even imagine. Her smile makes my heart grow because it feels there's a reason to live. The way she talks about those she loves makes me love her even more." Hank kissed Noah's cheeks as he started crying thinking about Olivia. "And you have no idea how much she loves you. You changed her life for the best and I know you are one of the main reasons she's fighting for her life. You and Charlotte are her life. And she is mine."

When he was done talking, he realized Noah had fallen asleep chewing on his shirt. He was surprised by how that kid had changed his life. Voight still remembered the first time Olivia had introduced them; he had been able to steal a sleepy smile from the kid's face. From that moment on, Noah became one of the most important people in his life. The day he had officially adopted Noah made him the happiest and he couldn't imagine his life without him.

"He's in his crib sleeping and should stay like that for at least an hour." He grabbed his keys and phone before looking at Rollins. "Thank you, Amanda."

"Hank, stop thanking us. We are your family now, you are stuck with us and we will take care of you."

"You guys don't have to take care of me and still do it. So, yeah. Thanks are needed."

"Just go, Voight. You should be the first face she sees when she wakes up."

"I'll have Fin call you if we get any news."

Hank had his thoughts on Olivia throughout his entire drive to the hospital and was greeted by the doctor the minute he walked in. He told him Charlotte was doing great and accepting the feeding tube the way she was supposed to. She was healthy and would stay stable to be breastfed by Olivia when she woke up; that if Benson's body was in condition to do so. When Voight asked about her, the doctor said he could step into her room because she would be waking up soon.

As he stood by her bed, he smiled slightly thinking the risk of losing her was gone. Surgery had gone well and all that was left to be done was wait for her to wake up. The doctor said depending on her reaction as she woke up they would decide how long she had to stay in the hospital. A week minimum but maybe more if they needed to keep her under observation. Charlotte would be ready to go home whenever Olivia was.

"Mmm," he heard Olivia mumble.

"Olivia," Hank whispered as she opened her eyes.

"Who…," she coughed, "are you?" She closed her eyes and touched her hand to her head feeling the bandages. "What happened?"

"I'll go get the doctor for you." As he turned around to walk out, tears formed in his eyes. "Olivia is awake but I don't think she remembers."

"That's a consequence of the surgery and it should last only a few hours. I'll go see her now." The doctor walked into the room with Voight behind him. "Hello Olivia. I'm doctor Sanders and I'll take a look now to see how you are doing."

"What happened?" She asked again and Hank could see the despair in her eyes but he was afraid to touch her…after all, she hadn't recognized him.

"You had a fall and hit your head. We had to perform surgery and you are okay now. Please follow the light," he said as he moved the tiny light from left to right in front of her. He turned to look at Voight and reassured him, "she's okay. Like I said, she should be remembering in a few hours. Don't worry."

"Thank you, doctor."

Olivia moved in bed and a painful groan escaped her lips. "What was that?" She asked reaching down to touch her lower stomach.

"Do you remember you were pregnant?" She shook her head no. "Well, you were. We had to perform a C-section to take her out in order to focus on you."

"Her? Is she okay?"

"Yes, would you like to see her?"

"No…no."

He turned around so she couldn't see him crying…not that she would feel anything. This felt like losing her. She had no idea who he was. She couldn't remember she had been pregnant. And she had probably no memories of Noah either. Seeing she was there and her life wasn't at risk made peace fill his thoughts but part of him was still worried. Worried the hours would go by and she would still have no recollection of their life together. He wouldn't be fully happy until she was fully back at being who she was, with her memories.

"Is she okay?" Fin stood up as he saw Hank walk into the waiting room.

"She is awake and the doctor said the surgery was a success. But," he looked around, "she doesn't remember me or Charlotte or Noah."

"What?" Barba and Carisi exclaimed at the same time.

"Memory loss is a side-effect, something that could happen after the surgery. According to him, she should recover her memory in a matter of hours."

"It's okay," Fin said. "We should be thankful she is alive and doing well. Soon she will be fully recovered."

"I hope so," Voight whispered as he walked away.

He walked out of the hospital, leaned back against the wall and lit up a cigarette. When he watched Camille get sick and die, he never expected to watch someone he loved get away from him again. Olivia wasn't dying but knowing she couldn't remember made him feel like he had already lost her. Hank wasn't a pessimist person but at the moment he couldn't –nor felt– to be optimistic. Benson had become his strength and right now she wasn't able to be so; she couldn't even if she wanted to.

Olivia took a look around her hospital bedroom trying to find something –anything– that would trigger her memory. The last thing she remembered was being in the interrogation room crying over Elliot Stabler. But that had probably happened years, or at least months, ago since the doctor told her she had given birth to a baby girl. She hadn't been pregnant when Elliot left, had she? Could Elliot be the father? No, she had no recollection of ever sleeping with him. Another man must be the father of her daughter…but who?

And who else could it be? She had never loved anyone the way she had loved Elliot. He had been her partner and best friend for so many years; no one knew her like he did. For as long as she could remember, she had been in love with Stabler. Could it be possible? Could they have given into one night of passion? Could the baby girl be his daughter? Elliot was obviously still out of her life because he hadn't showed up. Maybe that girl was the one thing she would be able to keep from their love. She had to know. She had to find someone who would truly know what was going on. Maybe that man.

Who was that man? Who was the man standing by her side when she woke up? The one to whisper her name as she opened her eyes. Who could he be? She didn't remember him. She could swear he was crying as he walked out of the bedroom. The doctor had been looking at him the entire time and had told him what was going on with her –and the baby–. What did that mean? Was he someone important in her life? He couldn't be; if he were, she would remember him. Maybe he was Elliot's friend, right? Yes, maybe Stabler had sent him over to see how she was doing…how their baby was doing.

"How are you feeling, Olivia?" The doctor asked as he checked her vitals.

"I have a slight headache and I'm a bit dizzy."

"That is completely normal. The swelling on the brain going down causes the headache. The dizziness can be either from the surgery or from the fall. It should all go away pretty soon." He took a look at the last brain scans. "The surgery went better than expected which means you should be recovering your memory any time now."

"I think I've already started to remember bits and pieces. I'm not quite sure yet. Could it be possible to talk to the man who was here earlier? I have some questions for him."

"Yes, of course. I'll go find him for you." Doctor Sanders walked out to find Voight stepping back into the hospital. "Hank, Olivia would like to see you."

"Really? Has she started to remember? Does she want to see Charlotte or Noah?"

"She told me she believes the memories are starting to come back but has a few questions for you." He patted Hank's back. "The scans show the swelling has gone down so there are no reasons why she shouldn't remember now."

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, come on in." Olivia said as she sat up on the bed. "Take a seat please. You'll have to forgive me but I still can't remember your name."

To him that was a bad sign. "Hank Voight."

"Hank Voight," she repeated to herself. "And, how did we meet?"

"I'm a sergeant in Chicago and our teams worked a case together."

"Was that a long time ago?"

"The first time was nearly two years ago." Hank had to cough to clear his throat. What had she remembered? "I'm sorry but, what exactly do you remember, Olivia?"

"I remember Elliot Stabler and our relationship. I know he walked out on me but I can't exactly remember when. So, I started thinking after the doctor told me I had given birth to a baby girl. I had never loved someone like him and I can't remember meeting someone after he left. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and I can't remember when or where Elliot and I slept together. The only reasonable explanation I could come up with was that we finally gave in and that girl was born as the result of that night. Perhaps if I see her, I will remember."

"Is that honestly what you remember?"

"Like I said, I can't exactly remember it all but that's the explanation my mind came up with."

In that moment, Hank Voight felt his heart break. He felt an indescribable pain he had never felt before. That bastard was back once more. Elliot Stabler was the reason it had taken Olivia such a long time to open up. That man had haunted Benson for months and it had taken Voight a great amount of work to push pass the Elliot Stabler comparison. And now he was back; once again the main man in her own story. Erasing everything Olivia and Hank had created. Taking claim over his own daughter.

With tears in his eyes he looked at Benson as he said, "I think you should talk to someone else. I'll go get Melinda and she can answer all of these questions." Voight walked out with a broken heavy heart.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hank," Melinda stood next to him outside the hospital. "I talked to Olivia and explained everything to her. She now knows what she believed she remembered was only a product of her mind based on what she knew. I told her all the truth."

"How could that happen? How could she believe that son of a bitch was Charlotte's father?" He closed his fists against his legs. "Is that what she truly wants?"

"Don't do that to yourself, Hank. Olivia loves you."

"Not this Olivia."

"Yes, this Olivia. Her memory just went back to one moment in her life and her mind worked from there. It doesn't mean anything."

"Do you think she will ever remember?"

"I don't know what will happen. I don't know when or if she will remember. What she will remember."

"At least she was able to forget Lewis." Hank looked at Melinda. "We will have to tell her, if she doesn't remember?"

"Step by step. We are taking this step by step." She turned around to walk back into the hospital. "She wants to talk to you."

"I'll be right there."

Voight needed to regain his strength before facing her; build a wall that wouldn't let this situation break him. He knew –he understood– the things she said didn't aim to harm him but he couldn't help what he was feeling. There was the woman he loved more than life itself but she couldn't remember him. She couldn't remember the things they had gone through. The things they had said to each other. The dreams they had together. The future they had been planning together. It had all been taken away from them and he wasn't sure they would be able to get it back. What if she couldn't remember? What would happen? Would this new Olivia fall in love with him again? Would she still want a life with him? Would she continue to fight for their family?

"I am so sorry," she exclaimed the moment he stepped into the room. "You should have said something."

"I didn't quite know what to say. It took me by surprise and I didn't want to say anything that could hurt you."

"But I ended up hurting you. I may not remember but after everything Melinda said, I know you didn't deserve that."

"It wasn't truly your fault. Yes, it hurts to know you don't remember me but I am happy you are alive."

"Do you mind taking a seat?" She motioned for him to bring he chair closer to bed. "I want you to tell me things."

"What kind of things?" Voight brought the chair closer and it took all of his strength to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. "What would you like to know, Benson?"

"Did we like each other from the beginning?"

"Oh, absolutely not." He chuckled remembering their first encounter. "I did like you; from the very first moment. But I don't think you did. We argued a lot because our methods are…different. You threatened to…"

"Arrest you," Olivia said interrupting him. "Yes, I remember that now."

"Yes, you threatened to arrest me. Afterwards, we just made jokes about it."

"What about our first kiss?"

"We were walking around Chicago after you shared a personal thing with me. It was cold so I stopped to give you my jacket and all you did was smile after I put it on your shoulders. We looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity before I took a step forward and kissed you." Hank looked straight into her eyes. "It wasn't out of this world but to me it was perfect."

Olivia closed her eyes as the memories from that specific moment galloped into her mind. She remembered the cold had made her hands go numb. The weight of his jacket –smelling of bourbon and cigarettes– on her shoulders. How his hands felt as he held onto her waist. She could feel the roughness of his lips on hers and could almost taste the beer on his tongue. His words made the memories, the feelings, start to reappear in her mind. She didn't remember everything quite yet but she remembered the butterflies in her stomach, the way her heartbeat accelerated and the way the heat spread between her thighs.

"You whispered my name as you pulled away."

"You remember?" A glimpse of hope shone in his eyes.

"What you said brought the memories back." She patted the bed for him to sit closer to her. "What about our first time?"

Voight moved over and sat on the bed next to her. "Do you really want to know?"

"Please."

"After that walk, we went to my place and I guess the passion took over because we didn't even make it to my bedroom. We were kissing in the kitchen when we took our clothes off. And, well, one thing led to another…we had sex against the kitchen wall. I have to admit, it wasn't really romantic but, damn, it was good."

That memory came back as well. She felt the wall slamming against her back as he thrusted his hips. The sweat running between their bodies. His lips on her neck, kissing every centimeter of her skin. She could hear herself moaning his name. His groan as he went deeper in her. He was right, it hadn't been romantic but something told her that didn't mean it hadn't been special. And as she looked at him, she knew he loved her and all he wanted was for her to remember.

"You made fun of how high my leg could go on the same night you met Noah. Oh my god," she whispered as she touched her hands to her heart. "Noah! How is he? Where is he?"

"He's okay; don't worry. He was with Lucy last time I checked. And your team has been taking turns looking after him. He's been taken care of."

"I would like to see him."

"Once you are doing better, okay? I want to make sure you are fine and the doctor says so before I bring him over."

"Okay. Okay." Olivia looked at him for a moment before she spoke again. "I still don't remember being pregnant." Tears filled her eyes. "Could you tell me about it? Have you met our daughter?"

"Well, I only found out a few weeks ago. We had gotten into a fight and we had zero communication for seven months; until a new case brought us back together. That's when I found out." Hank tried to read her expression to understand exactly what she was feeling. "You were the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. The baby was growing and the pregnancy got troublesome. You had really high blood pressure and that's what cause you to faint." He took a pause allowing the news to sink in. "And yes, I've met our daughter. She's a beautiful tiny girl who looks just like her mother."

"Is she okay?"

"Absolutely. At the moment, she's connected to a feeding tube because you were unable to breastfeed her. But she's a healthy baby. A fighter, just like her mom."

 _[four months]_

Hank kissed her cheek as they stepped on the elevator after a beautiful night of celebration. That morning, her doctor had called Olivia to let her know her last check-up had been great and she was finally able to go back to her normal life. That meant she could go back on the field with her team. She could go back to being in charge without having to report to someone else. She would be able to pick Noah and Charlotte up without Hank needing to be around or getting tired after two minutes. She could go back to being in control of her own life and that was something she had missed.

The first two months of her recovery were spent at the doctor's office daily. Tests being done, needles continuously pinching her arms for blood and hundreds of questions being asked repeatedly. The last two months had been a bit easier. She had been able to go back to work –behind a desk– and only had to see her doctor once a week. But above all, the four months had been spent getting to know herself and the people in her life all over again. Her memory came back after her conversation with Voight and their love only grew stronger from that moment on.

"You know," Olivia said as she pressed the red stop button on the elevator, "I can go back to my normal life. All of it."

"Yes, you told me that already."

"Do you understand what that means?"

"That you are fully recovered." Hank was oblivious to the thoughts running through her head.

"Sex, Voight, it means sex."

"I wasn't going to say that." He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her body into his. The mix of her sweet perfume and the wine they had been drinking hit him bringing a smile to his face. "I'm not going to pressure you into doing anything until you are ready."

She bit down on her lower lip before whispering, "I'm ready."

"Now? Right here?"

"If my memory doesn't fail me, we have never had sex on an elevator."

"Your memory doesn't fail you."

"So," she started unzipping her black dress revealing the red lace bra she was wearing, "this is technically my first time in this new life. We should also make it a first time on an elevator." Her dress was on the floor and her hands were quickly unbuckling his belt.

"Whatever my lady wants, my lady gets."

Voight kissed her lips softly as he unbuttoned his shirt. Her fingers were playing with the zipper of his trousers and the excitement ran through her veins. As she felt his hands on her stomach she was a teenager having sex for the first time again. She was nervous and scared but she knew that was the right moment and no one could be better than the man she loved. His lips on her neck pushed all the thoughts away and from that moment on she was his. He was in control of her body and her emotions and she had never felt safer.

"If you need me to stop, you tell me, okay?" He looked into her eyes as he took her bra off. "I am not doing anything that you don't want to or that you won't enjoy." He caressed her breasts as he gently pinned her against the elevator wall. "You are in charge here. We go as far as you can and want." Voight took a step back to take his pants off and a big smile was drawn on his face. "You are beautiful, Olivia Benson, and I am so happy you are alive."

Benson wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. "I trust you," she said as he pulled her underwear off and picked her up. He kissed from her lips down to her jawline along her neck to her clavicle. Every kiss was a reassurance of his love for her. He squeezed her ass slightly as he entered her body in the gentlest way. Her thighs tensed around his waist as he worked his hips thrusting himself deeper in her. She closed her eyes as a low moan escaped her lips.

Olivia started moving her hips in circles matching the rhythm of his body. He took her right nipple with his lips and tugged at it making her body arch against his chest, her forehead resting against the wall. He continued to thrust his hips against hers, their bodies slamming against each other with every thrust and salty drops of sweat forming between them. Voight felt her wetness and her walls tightening around him as he hit her core over and over again.

"Fingers," Benson said in a groan.

"Happy to see somethings never change." Hank tugged at her lip biting it gently. He pressed his thumb hard against her before using two fingers to rub her wet clit. Olivia screamed in pleasure making her body go weak; he sure knew how to drive her crazy. He pulled his member out and grinned at her before thrusting his hips entering her body one more time hitting her g-spot. A loud moan echoed in the elevator as they both came and she let her body fall right into his arms.

"How could I ever forget that?!" Olivia exclaimed as he put her back down. "That was amazing!"

Voight chuckled while they both got dressed. "I am glad your taste wasn't changed."

"I could lose my memory a million times," she kissed him, "and a million times I would choose you."

"I love you, Benson."

"And I love you, Henry Voight."

 _[thirsty years later]_

"Olivia, stay still!" Charlotte looked at her youngest daughter running around the garden.

"She carries the name well." Voight smiled at the thought of his beloved wife. "She's just like your mom."

"I miss her."

"I do too. But she lived a great life. Saw you getting married and becoming a mom. Saw Noah become a doctor and a father. All she ever wanted."

That night, Charlotte watched both her children sleep and knew Olivia was proud of her. Her mother had been able to grow old with the man she loved and her family. She died in her sleep with a smile on her face nearly a year ago and they still missed her every day. Charlotte had seen her dad growing older and weaker ever since; like he just wanted to be reunited with his wife. And as she thought about her parents, she read the letter her father had given her on her fifteenth birthday.

 _Dear Charlotte,_

 _Happy birthday, my love! Your mother and I are so proud of the woman you are becoming. From day one, you've fought to be in this world and on your last day I know the world will see the mark you left on it. You are a unique and wonderful person and I know you got that from your mother._

 _I hope one day you find the love your mom and I share because there is nothing better. Love doesn't always come easy and it may take some time. Look at me. I had Camille and thought she was the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, my time with her was wonderful. We both loved each other and she taught me about this crazy journey called life. But your mom…your mom is the kind of woman you would go to the end of the world for. She is the kind of love songs and poems are written about. Because even when she didn't know who I was, she still held my heart in her hands._

 _I hope one night when you are married you look to your side and know no matter what happens you will be okay. That's how I feel and I owe it all to your mother. She has made me a better man and even if I died tomorrow, I would die knowing I was the luckiest man on this planet._

 _So find that. Find a love that hurts, plays with your feelings and, at the end of the day, makes life worth living._

 _Love you,_

 _Dad._

"Yes?" Charlotte picked up the phone and knew what Noah would say.

"Charlotte, dad is gone."

"I know. He is with her again."

* * *

 **Thank you for joining me in this crazy ride! I hold these characters and this story close to my heart so I appreciate you reading it. Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated.**


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